Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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