I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
