you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize