As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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