dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
