can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
