I wannas sexs uuuuu
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
