Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
operation have a gay friend backfired
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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