her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
