you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
