I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
