Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
