oh god the rape fog is back!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
