I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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