If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
