im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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