I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im six kinds of drunk right now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
