he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize