i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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