Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
