with your own penis?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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