Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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