white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
