My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize