i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
