Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
