mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
