he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize