guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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