Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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