Your face is a jimmy john
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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