so explain again why im purple
no
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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