And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize