ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
