ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
