I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
