i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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