Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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