The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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