i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
