I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
