are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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