the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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