No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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