So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
