$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dear god my vagina.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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