Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize