The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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