Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I would ride that face into the sunset
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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