a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
