Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
These tits shall not be calmed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
