Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
