I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
