Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
