Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
