Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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