C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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