I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
