it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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