we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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