apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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