I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize