she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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