if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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