So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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