So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
