Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
