..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
