Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
