he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
