I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My feet surprised me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize