You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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