Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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