I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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