yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
