I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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