it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize