he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
