dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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