Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
