discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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