shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
