Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
