Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
