I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
