i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
