I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
