Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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